Run Forest Run...

ask myself : what do u do when u have problems?

I may seem like such a calm person in the outside, but inside am like a bomb waiting to explode. if u can scan into my brain, u can see birds and stars and comets cram into my head.

ok, back to the question above. what do u do when u have problems? there are 2 options from which I choose depending on the type of problem. I wud either keep mum about it or I talk to somebody. and who’s that ‘lucky’ somebody? No. 1 my soulmate, no.2 my mum.

I talk to hubby coz in him I always found strength. say, I know I want to do A but not B but I just want to be sure that I’d do the right thing, so I’d turn to hubby and laid the circumstances and see what he have to say. in most cases, he wud ask me back what do I want to do. that shows how deep he knows the strong headed woman he married to. he knows that I’m in charge of my life, I wudnt be swayed by other people. he wud always give the answer and encouragement that I ask for. but under the circumstances I’ve been (the one that I wrote in my most recent entry) I really loose it. and of course this is one crucial situation where hubby doesnt want whatever advice he gave me wud jeopardise my relationship with dad.

so i turn to mum. talk to her and try to make her understand my situation. it’s always been like that actually. as I realized if I’ve been put under a tight situation by dad, and i'm afraid i wud hurt his feeling, I wud always turn to my mum, hoping that she wud use her influence to ease the path for me. so I left the ‘matter’ into mum’s hand.

I haven’t received any call at all from dad since I left sban on Sunday, can I assume that it’s a closed case?

come to think of the way I handle the whole situation, i didn’t actually tackle it on my own. I drop the whole thing and run… like forest gump… run forest run. I’m not proud of it.

To Laugh or To Cry?

I don’t know whether ‘this’ is an omen that I am fated to settle down and spent the rest of my life in sban or just a joke…

while cracking my head buat kira2 congak darab bahagi and digging into all my savings book mencari sumber2 downpayment to buy my dream house, I received a call from dad yesterday advising (read telling) me to buy this old single storey terrace house next to dad’s unit that my bro suppose to buy and now cud not pursue his intention because of certain reason which I don’t want to talk about. Whatever it is the question now is why me? Why?!!!!

Hubby laughs when I told him the news, he just laughs. Me? I don’t what to do so do both; I laugh & cry at the same time. I laugh at myself coz while I’ve been dreaming about my own house, org lain is planning something for me. And I cry because I know my dream will be short-lived.

I know the house is selling cheap at rm70k but I don’t simply buy property because it’s cheap. why should I buy it when I have no intention to move into the house? Its not my habit to buy things just for the sake of buying or just because I can afford it. I’m a practical person… I buy things that have a use for me. I’m not the kind of person who goes for a vacation and came back with tons of souvenir items just because that’s what everybody does. same goes to every other single thing in my life.

give me 10 reasons why I shud buy the house. dad give me 3 reasons. reason no. 1, my bro not qualified, reason no. 2 the house is cheap I can afford it, reason no. 3 the market value is high, good for investment. ok forget about adik beradik for a moment. all those 3 reasons takde langsung sebut tentang what i really want for my life. okay fine that 70k might not have any effect on my monthly pay check but that means all my savings will be gone for a house that serve no purpose in my life. In short it’s going to be a burden for me, an excess baggage. I’ve been saving for my dream house and still cud not meet ends. Now I’m asked to throw away my dream and throw my money for … for what?

hubby give me 1 reason, I shudnt be selfish and help my bro. hellooooo who’s being selfish here? is it wrong to stand up for your dream? I’ve not much personal achievement in my life, and I’ve not many belongings under my name except for a car which I bought but chosen by ‘orang lain’.

please help me…
I’m torn now. I really am not good dealing with this ‘family kind of thing’. the tendency to give in is very high. but if I give in I wudnt be content either, I will never be happy. if I refuse then I’ll have to stay away for quite a long time …

my dream house is a shattered dream? arghhhh…

Love At First Sight

I know its not the right time for us to buy/invest on a property. but I fall in love at first sight with this house. God I wish the house is mine!



at a first glance it may look like an ordinary house just like other houses. but once inside I realized the house is almost 80% like my dream house which is good enough for me (if I put myself on the small town-girl with low expectation & easy maintenance hat). the hall had enough space to placed a proper sofa set, and the kitchen… gosh it is so spacious, i I can have a breakfast stool built and can still have enough space to move around in the kitchen… am gonna do a lot of cooking in this kitchen wink wink.

The master bedroom have enough space for a proper wardrobe to be built in, the en suite bathroom – we can either install a glass cubicle or install a bathtub, and the tile work… very very nice! The other 2 bedroom comes with attached bathroom (sharing of course)… already I can visualise my children running around the bathroom crossing from one room to another.

What’s more… we can have our own family room upstairs… a nice cosy time watching movie or light reading… a space far from the formal ambience of a main hall.

reasons not to miss this chance:

1.lot size 22'x75' (tak dapat 24'x80' mcm kat BJ, yg ini pun cukuplah... wink wink kat sally)
2. 4 bedrooms & 3 bathrooms
3. family room on upper floor
4. ceramic tiles finishing for all rooms
5. wide car porch to accomodates 2 cars parked side by side (sesuai sgt dah tu utk honda & kancil)
6. underground cabling
7. concealed drains (yes it does look neat kat luar sana)
8. free security alarm system
9. free motion detector light
10. automatic main gate (ada gate sampingan utk orang keluar masuk lagi)
11. not far from where i work right now & tak jauh juga dari tempat tinggal sekarang (tak lah rasa perubahan besar sgt)
12. lanscaped park in every block (fahmi dah mula tergila2kan taman permainan kat situ... had to drag him in to the car)

Now am drooling over the thoughts of living in my dreamhouse. And who’s fault is that? Hubby lah ni… yesterday we had another ‘blackout’. Boring duduk rumah after asar prayer we went out in the car just for a sight seeing. Hubby suggest we went to see the newly launch property at spk cahaya but we came across sunway kayangan junction. Before hubby had been tempting me with stories about betapa bestnya duduk kat sunway kayangan. I was never tempted… a secluded area like that? A big no no for me. Heheh bila dah tengok sendiri meleleh air liur, tido malam pun terbayang-bayang.

told hubby we should sell our house at sungai kapar indah, klang and buy this house at sunway kayangan. mmmm… tapi mana nak carik down payment nih? Ughhh gigit jari kaki je lah… ohhhh tidakkk!!!

err... have I mention that the extra bathroom at ground floor is much much bigger than the bathroom we are using right now?
... oohhhh tidakkkk!!!

Cooking Cravings

I was struck by a cooking fairy. She cast a spell on me, made me had this craving for cooking.

Although my body ached and haven’t fully recovered from the hectic journey early of the week, I just cudnt push away my cooking craving that’s driving me crazy selagi aku tak masuk dapur and do sumthing. What’s more yesterday we were out of electricity supply from morning til 8pm. It doesnt hamper the insanity inside me one bit.

I wanted to make strawberry muffin. I bought some fresh strawberries on Friday and it’s not as sweet as the one I bought last time. So I decided to put it for better use and make strawberry filing for the muffin. In the dark, pureed the berries with spoon (no electricity so everything have to be done manually), transferred it into a sauce pan, squeeze two wedges of lemon, put 1 cup of castor sugar and let them boil until it gelatinised.


The electricity came at around 8pm. After dinner I start baking for the muffin. It was my first try… and I’m satisfied with the result.


Muffin sedang menembamkan diri dalam oven … eh apsal muffinku putih melepak? Heheh cud be because I omit the cinnamon powder from the original recipe?


Errr … while muffin orang lain bentuk bulat, I purposely let my muffin fill up the papercups sesuka hati… hehe my kitchen is short of baking utensils, so ignore the shapes ya?

for recipe refer to this page

An Ode To Beloved Grandma

Grandma or fondly known among the grandchildren as Mok passed away on the hospital bed on 10 june at 12.30noon. My auntie was the last person at her side before she peacefully closes her eyes. The word ‘closes her eyes’ was merely a cliché; whereas in actual fact she hasn’t open her eyes for quite sometime since she was hospitalized for the 2nd time a week ago. Doctor diagnosed her with intestinal failure, a condition where her intestinal muscle loosened; whatever she consumes will be discharge immediately. The condition leads to loss of fluid; medical term dehydration. She has no energy restored in her body, unable to move on her own; she was bed ridden for almost 2 months. Nothing was done by the hospital to rectify the situation, they told my mum that an operation can be done to fix the condition, but they did nothing until her condition deteriorates.

When I first learned that her conditions had worsened, rasa nak terbang ke KT sangat membuak2. But with my bro in law’s wedding last weekend, terpaksa ku tahankan hajat di hati. I was supposed to make a visit to our project site in KT, a trip where I thought I can kill 2 birds with one stone, but the trip did not materialize because the flight was fully booked due to the school holiday. Hubby offered to drive the whole family back, but that wud means more days off from work, sumthing I cudnt afford to do after taking few days off to attend bro in law’s wedding. All in a short span… time macam nilah rasa kalau kerja sendiri lagi senang.

My mum yang menjaga Mok sepanjang malam had just left the hospital when she received a call asking all the family members to gather by Mok’s side, her condition turned critical that morning after mum left passing the baton to my auntie assuming the day shift. I was preparing lunch at home masa dapat call from my dad, delivering the sad but anticipated news. Rasa beratnya atas bahu, jalan pun rasa tak bleh tegak. Although I didn’t shed a tear, dalam hati meraung dengan rasa menyesal yang tebal sebab I didn’t fulfill my responsibility as a good cucu. Mok despite her age and tenaga tuanya yang bersisa sanggup datang all the way from KT by bus to visit me when I delivered fahmi & yaya.

Walau hubby bawa kereta laju membesit macam pelesit pun we cudnt challenge the fate that has been bestowed by Allah swt upon us. Memang bukan rezeki ku nak cium arwah Mok buat kali terakhir. All the risk we took dengan langgar 4 lampu merah and potong ikut laluan sebelah kanan sepanjang jalan from Marang to KT sebab nak sangat jumpa kali terakhir ternyata sia-sia. Aku hanya sempat lihat jenazah arwah Mok dimasukkan ke liang lahad. Itulah pertemuan terakhir kami. At that point of time I allowed hot tears that welled in my eyes to burst.

Arwah selamat disemadikan selepas solat Isyak pada hari yang sama.

Doaku:

“Semoga Allah swt mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. Dan semoga dia ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 yang beriman.”

Amin…

Poor Fahmi

fahmi was stung by a bee (hubby says tebuan) on his left feet. my poor boy was waiting for me searching for his slippers to be put on coz mama nak bawa fahmi mandi malam2 buta jam 10mlm kat bilik air atuk (my fil) located outside the house. i wasnt wearing my glasses, so when he screamed i cudnt see anything wrong except my instinct tells me he must have stepped on something lethal. he was not supposed to move around. i clearly told him to stay where he is while i look for his slippers, but obviously he had his own mind.

i grabbed him, carried him and run inside the house. by the time i put on my glasses hubby was already there, try to pull out sengat that pierce fahmi's feet. i cud clearly see the venom spreading into his veins... never seen anything like that before. i dunno what to do and did the first thing that came to my mind, rub some minyak gamat (purportedly boleh kurangkan bisa insect bites). after he calmed down, mandikan dia and put him to sleep, surprisingly he was fast asleep. so i thought that everything is going to be ok, but i was wrong.




his feet was so hard macam tapak kasut, turned bluish with red spots




the next day, his feet was badly swollen he cudnt even walk and he had fever. in the middle of the kenduri, i took him to the clinic... it was sunday and not many clinic open on sundays. alhamdulillah found one at a nearby town. the doctor gave him a jab, prescriptions to reduce the swollen. alhamdulillah yesterday, he was already running around chasing his sister.

next time, i wudnt delay taking him to the doc... teruknya aku!

Finally

Yes... finally we got our passports! after turning the house upside down searching for the kids birth certs & hubby’s old passport, a trip to the police station making a police report for lost certs & passport, we finally get our passport on Tuesday 5 june 2007.

the process of getting our passports done wasn’t easy thou.

1. hubby thought that the police report was enough to be attached with his application form, but when we get there Monday afternoon, his form was rejected and being requested to fill up another form which must be sign by court or at least certified by a COO!

2. mine & the kids get the officers’ clearance and were given our calling no. except that the no. will only be called after their lunch breaks. which means we have to either berkampung at the immigration office or the coffee house nearby. we choose neither and head back home, had a quick lunch (tapau of course), tinggalkan bibik at home and rush back to immigration office. hubby sempat lagi punggah kotak dalam bilik, the box that I asked him to bring down to check kalau2 his old passport ada kat situ. he shud have done it earlier when I told him so, coz memang ada pun!

3. we were the first customer after lunch break, alhamdulillah. nasib baik hubby tak yah amik no baru, so all 4 application were processed together. wait again for our giliran untuk pay the fee. After we pay our fee we had to wait again untuk dapatkan no giliran to collect our passports pulak. the officer told us our passport can be ready today approximately around 4pm. what was supposed to be a 2 hrs waiting extended to more than 3 hrs. hubby cannot tahan, the kids pun cannot tahan… we left the place when we shud have leave the place 3 hrs earlier. my advice… if your application being processed after 2pm, dun wait, go home and comeback again the next day. save yourself from the irritating and frustration of waiting.

we came back on tuesday morning to collect our passports

so that’s it. our not so pleasant visit to the immigration office all because we arrive later than we are supposed to (thanks to hubby. a battle that I lost but a war that I won) and all because of troublesome and not so customer friendly system.