Heart Wrenching...

I read this on yahoo.com this morning. It is so heart wrenching I had tears welling in my eyes. As a mother myself I can feel what the mother is feeling. It is a story of a 3 years old Emily Thomas who had a strok when she was a baby dan kemudiannya continues to have difficulty in breathing. Akhirnya the mother, Amber Thomas had to allow the doctors tebuk lubang kat leher Emily to insert a tube into her trachea so that she can breath properly. But the surgery also means that Emily will not be able to speak for the rest of her life.

Tak tergamak rasanya melihat anak sengsara. Peritnya to choose between two things yang kedua-duanya sama penting. Terutama when your young child is helpless. Amber Thomas is a strong person. She recorded her daughter's last voice before she undergo the surgery. You can watch the video here . I hope the link is still available.


Please read.




Texas Toddler Gets Life-Saving Tracheotomy, Can No Longer Speak, Laugh, Cry
By ALYSSA NEWCOMB | Good Morning America – Thu, Jun 14, 2012 2:43 PM EDT

A doting mother pressed record on a camera, intent on capturing her daughter in one final, bittersweet moment.
The sounds of a sweet, infectious belly laugh filled the hospital room.
"She's happier than most people," said Amber Thomas of her daughter.
Three-year-old Emily Thomas, with her brown hair and rosy cheeks, looked like any other kid as she smiled and laughed.
"Her laugh is the most beautiful sound. She has a really funny sense of humor," Thomas said, recalling the week before her daughter's surgery. "I had to sit there and stare at her and know I wasn't going to hear her next week."
Emily was about to undergo a life-saving surgery, a permanent tracheotomy. The procedure would enable her to breathe but would put a hole in her neck and render her unable to communicate vocally for the rest of her life.
For Amber Thomas, it was the only choice. But it also meant silencing one of the only sounds her daughter could make.
Emily's communication has been limited ever since she had a stroke at 10 days old, but her mother said they always found a way to talk. It was through those precious laughs, or the noises she'd shout during Dora The Explorer, or the sounds she'd make roughhousing with her brothers, ages 4 and 2.
But two weeks ago, the vivacious 3-year-old from Tyler, Texas caught a common cold and nearly suffocated.
She was airlifted to the Children's Medical Center in Dallas where Thomas and doctors watched over the toddler, trying to help her regain her health before she underwent a permanent tracheotomy.
On Tuesday, Emily had her last laugh. Doctors created a hole in Emily's throat and inserted a tube leading directly to her trachea.
Although she has had a few setbacks in recovery, Emily began to breathe on her own Thursday and was taken off a ventilator.
Thomas said it's been gut wrenching to see her daughter cry now silent tears.
"You don't hear it and that really upsets me," she said. "I feel like I can't leave the room. Now you have to be staring at her to know."
Recovery will continue to be an uphill battle, as will adjusting to life without that sweet laugh, but Thomas knows her daughter will continue to bring joy to the family.
"Anyone who works with her tells me her disability stops with her body," she said. "She isn't afraid of anything. She's the most positive person I know and that helps all of us."

A Farewell

No, not mine. Other people's. :-)

We had a farewell today. A friend of us is retiring. He is a retiree from government service before he joined us 9 years ago. So he had his second retirement today. Well, his contract ended actually and since he is an old man don;t you think it would lend a nice ring to call it a retirement instead of resignation? Or even contract termination.

A beauty coincidence is that, this old man shares the same birth day and birth month as I am. And we both left and will be leaving in the same month. He is a very nice person, very down to earth, a wise person and can be a little bit nerdy sometimes saya suka mengusik dia. I would sure miss his stories about his kebun pisang, mangga harum manis and his healthy diet. No more homegrown bananas for me. Sad.

After that another colleague that I rarely see came to my room. With his right hand shoved in front. I quirked my eyebrow. He said "I heard you are leaving". I said "Not today" beacuse I thought he must have somehow gotten it wrong. It was somebody else's farewell.

"I know. I might not be around" he said. Ok.
And then both of us went silent. We rarely see each other, we rarely spoke. He is a man with little words, but I don't know why I always feel a little bit intimidated around him.

It was awkward. I don't know what to say. He clearly wants to say something but I guess the news of me leaving came as a shocked to him it render him speechless.
After a long pause, he said "Going somewhere?"
"Nope. I'll be around"
Another pause. His gaze was intent. I guess he still need time to digest the shocking (to him) news and my answer.
I know, most people say my reason doesn't match. That's why nowadays I refrained myself from answering such question.
He breaks the silence again, "A wise decision"
Serta merta I feel relieved. Finally, someone agrees with me without me saying so why. He is a wise man. And a very observant one. Now I know why I feel intimidated by him. He could tell and read between the lines.
I smiled. And he left.

But it was really awkward. He know things that I don't want to say out loud. Things that I kept to myself. Things that some people pressured me to spill. But I kept mum. But he, he doesn't need to ask further. He knows. He understands. And he respects.

Bukan Used Car Dealer...

I made a stop at Petronas Kesas hi-way nearby Proton this morning. From a far the pump attendant hailed me towards a vacant petrol pump. I alighted from the car and i just inserted my credit card into the credit card pay machine when the pump attendant said this

"Banyak kereta"
I look up and saw he was looking at me, not to the road in front of us.
My brain quickly processed what he really meant. Tersenyum saya.
"Owh... itu kereta rosak. Masuk worksyop" Saya maksudkan cik sienna red kalau itu yang dia juga maksudkan.
Dia mengangguk kepala, "Ooo rosak"
"Sekarang saya pakai ini"
"Ada lagi?" Dia tanya lagi.
Saya dah naik segan pulak. Tak sangka dia perasan entah berapa banyak kereta yang saya pernah bawa singgah di stesen minyak ini. Aduhhh... mesti dia ingat saya kaya benar bertukar-tukar kereta dari besar ke kecil, habis kecil pakai bagak pulak.
Gatal mulut mau je saya jawab, ye banyak lagi (kat ofis!!! bukan saya punyalah semua harta kompeni). Ha ha ha.
Cepat saya geleng kepala "Takde... takde" Aduh tersengih malu saya dibuatnya.

Huwaaaa mat bangla ni pun perasan. Apatah lagi jiran-jiran ku mesti depa ingat saya kaya gila. Kat situ rumah saya lah yang paling kerap bertukar-tukar kereta tapi pernah satu masa sebiji kereta pun takde depan rumah sebab cik sienna rosak dan encik ford juga rosak. Kadang kalau penat melayan orang tegur macam-macam kereta kau, kami suka jawab begini "Biasalah... used car (dealer)".

Sedih pulak teringat cik sienna red. Masih tersadai di worksyop. Semalam saya call mekanik, depa tengah pasang gearbox. Tanya bila siap, dia jawab tak tau. Tokey takde. Saya kira congak dah hampir sebulan. Hmmm... rindu. Macam takde harapan nak pegang stereng cik sienna semula sebelum my departure from this company. Dah bosan drive encik bagak. Sebab tak boleh merempit. Gila ko nak merempit pakai CRV. 2.0cc je lagipun lambat pickup bila nak memotong. Switching gear pun tak smooth. Astaghfirullahal'azim... ni statement tak bersyukur ni. Ada kereta pun kira Alhamdulillah. Bukan harta saya, harta kompeni. Pakai sementara cik sienna under repair.

Incik suami selalu geleng kepala kat saya. Dia kata "gila bini aku ni", kerja dia nak bawa laju je manjang. Eh... siapa ajar saya merempit dulu? Skill cilok mencilok saya belajar hasil menjadi co-pilot dia setiap hari dulu masa saya belum pandai bawa kereta. Agaknya incik suami ada rasa menyesal kot paksa saya ambil driving license dulu. He he he...

Bulan depan takde dah kereta kat laman rumah. Dah tak sakit mata orang tengok macam-macam pesen dan warna. Kot ada pun menyemak kereta budak-budak bujang menyewa depan rumah. Bersusun tepi pagar saya kereta diaorang. Dah macam tempat jual used car rumah saya ni. Kawan hubby datang pun terkejut sampai tak jadi berhenti sebab was-was "Rumah kau yang banyak kereta tu ke?" Hahahaha sampai tak nampak rumah dibuatnya!

Hidup ini memang umpama 'roda di atas bas'. Sekejap kita di atas, sekejap kita di bawah. I pray hard that I will never regret my decision... untuk melepaskan segala yang saya ada. Dunia ini pinjaman. Semuanya bukan milik kita. Amin.

Pantang...

Saya pantang kalau orang terlebih puji penampilan.

Saya jarang puji penampilan orang. Kalau nampak cantik di mata saya puji dalam hati je. Paling tidak kita just cakap "the colour suits you"... "nice dress" "lawa tudung". Nak puji orang lelaki selain suami memang takkan lah.

Puji cukup seadanya. Kalau terlebih puji bimbang timbul riak pulak pada si penerima.

Tapi kalau saya dengar orang terlebih-lebih dishes out begini "eh eh cantiknyaaa baju you, ada bunga-bunga. You beli kat mana?" siap pegang-pegang baju membelek bagai dengan nada suara ala membodek memang rasa nak muntah! Too much ok. And sounds FAKE.

Pastu kalau puji begini "... macam mak datin" nak nak pulak depan orang ramai dekat majlis terus buat kita rasa nak sembunyi kepala dalam baju. Itu bukan pujian ye, itu macam sengaja nak memalukan orang. In away nak cakap lah yang kita ni overdress.

Tapi kalau dengan golongan mak nyah memang biasa lah puji over sebab depa sendiri pun suka ayat-ayat over ni.

Tapi saya paling pantang... paling pantang bila lelaki puji. Pantangggg sangat sebab saya rasa kalau sampai tahap lelaki pun puji melampau sangat rasanya. Maknanya penampilan dah jadi tarikan mata-mata lelaki.

Tapikan... saya jadi CUAK - hah ni dah bukan tahap pantang lagi dah. Saya jadi CUAK bila pakai baju kurung pun ada lelaki datang puji melambung-lambung. Bukan sekali tapi berkali-kali dan berbulan-bulan lamanya asyik dishes out pasal baju kurung yang 1 itu. Lepas tu puji tudung lawa. Ehhh ko ni lelaki ke perempuan. Over ok.

Lepas tu, saya lagi CUAK bila muka kita serius masam mencuka pun dia duk puji kata manis. Hari ni saya pakai baju paling buruk, sudah kusam warna putihnya dia puji tudung pulak. Ya Rabbi, apa kes? PSIKO ke apa?

Astaghfirullahhal'azim... serta merta saya rasa berdosa. Agak-agaklah orang yang awak puji tu isteri/suami orang. Tak pernah lah saya berpakaian ke pejabat ni sebab nakkan pujian apatah lagi nak memikat. Yang penting modest.

For the record, I always dressed down sama ada ke ofis atau ke majlis. I never dressed up walaupun saya kata sesekali saya dress up juga but in comparison to others masih lagi jauh nak banding dengan orang lain.

Jadi bila ada yang memuji saya terlebih-lebih, saya rasa orang (lelaki) itu ada penyakit hati. Dan dia lupa pujian dia itu menyebabkan saya berdosa.

Dan saya rasa memang elok benarlah saya berhenti kerja. Kannn... dah jadi sebab musabab mengukuhkan lagi keputusan saya ni. Sebab saya tak fikir si dia akan berhenti puji memuji. Saya dah cakap kat dia, disebabkan pujian dia ni lagilah jatuh wajib saya berhenti kerja, dia masih tak berubah.

Puji biarlah berpada-pada.

Ya Allah Lindungi lah Anak-anak Kami...

I was driving the the kids to school early this morning when I received a call from hubby. Malam tadi dia tak call dan saya pun tertidur awal. His tone was serious. Semalam nyaris berlaku kejadian penculikan kanak-kanak di perumahan kami. Dan budak yang nyaris menjadi mangsa penculikan adalah kakak kepada kawan Fahmi. Berdebar saya.

Hubby told me to warn the children not to accept free ride from strangers. According to him petang semalam, ada seorang lelaki yang menawarkan diri untuk menghantar budak itu pulang siap nak bagi upah duit sekali. Mujur budak itu menolak. Mujur sangat-sangat. Syukur Alhamdulillah kerana budak itu dilindungiNya.

Saya tak tau kat mana kejadian itu berlaku. Fahmi and his friend including the sister went to the same sekolah agama. Tak tau lah kalau kejadian berlaku selepas habis sekolah agama. Saya risau sungguh. Terus bagi syarahan panjang lebar kat anak-anak. Tau jelah si Fahmi ni panjang langkah sikit. Tempoh hari ada maid Indon siapa entah upah dia RM5 untuk pergi belikan top up. After few days baru pecah tembelang sebab adik dia lah - kan dia tu mulut murai sikit. Adik dia duk bersaing nak kumpul duit samakan dengan duit abang dia. Terkejut saya sebab saya tak pernah beri mereka duit macam mana Fahmi ada RM5. Mmmphh... terus kena grounded tak boleh keluar rumah. Both of them kena grounded. Geram saya. Saya pun tak pernah suruh mereka pergi ke kedai walau tengah putus bekalan makanan sekalipun. Ni pandai-pandai dia pergi ke kedai sebab orang suruh. Nak aja saya cari maid Indon tu, report kat majikan dia. Suka-sukaan je.

Ngeri saya memikirkan nak membesarkan anak zaman sekarang ni, bahaya. Zaman sekarang ni banyak manusia-manusia yang sakit mental dan rohani nya. Semua fikir nak buat benda tak baik je. Paedophilia pun bersepah-sepah, orang bunuh orang macam siang ikan je, cari duit dengan menculik. Macam orang takde agama. Nauzubillah.

Sedikit perkongsian, elok amalkan doa perlindungan untuk anak-anak yang saya dapat dari internet.

Rasulullah saw pernah berdoa untuk perlindungan Hasan dan Husain, baginda saw membaca:

أُعِيْذُكُمَا بِكَلِمَاتِ اللهِ التَّامَّةِ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْطَانٍ وَهَامَّةٍ، وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لاَمَّةٍ

“Aku berlindung kepada Allah untukmu berdua dengan kalimat-kalimat Allah yang sempurna daripada semua syaitan, binatang berbisa dan pandangan mata yang jahat.”[ Imam al-Bukhari]

Sekiranya anak anda lelaki maka tukar perkataan yang bold dengan (أُعِيْذُكَ ) dan anak perempuan dengan (أُعِيْذُكِ )

Semoga dengan berkat doa nabi saw ini si anak sentiasa terselamat daripada sebarang gangguan yang tidak diingini.


Kalau ada doa-doa lain silalah kongsi bersama.

Ketam Masak Blackpepper

Our two kids followed us membeli belah barang basah di kedai Acheh semalam. Terpaksa ikutlah sebab lepas jogging we went straight to the shop. Masa kat kedai tu Fahmi ikut daddy dia membelek ikan. Part pilih dan belek ikan memang serah kat hubby lah sebab saya kan tak suka kotorkan jari... geli you! Ha ha ha gediks! Bajet orang bandar lah konon. Kalau hubby takde baru saya paksa diri pegang ikan. So Fahmi ni dok mengekor daddy dia, terus nampak ketam-ketam kecil dalam bekas. Apalagi dia terus demand mama dia masak lauk ketam!

Ketam pun cinonet je. Bukan musim dia. Beli lah 3 ekor besar separuh tapak tangan. Memang khas untuk Fahmi dengan Yaya jelah sebab mama dan daddy kontrol intake seafood ni.




Dapatlah semangkuk kecil Ketam Blackpepper. Sambil makan sambil tak henti-henti cakap "Sedapnya..." "...sedaplah". Ye, mau nya tak sedap kalau makan siap ada orang tolong kupaskan? He he he.





Fahmi makan bertambah nasi 3 kali! Licin mangkuk dengan kuahnya sekali licin. Bila tengok mangkuk dah licin si Fahmi boleh tanya saya "Malam ni nak makan apa?" . Aikk... takkan siang malam nak berketam kot? Makan sedap berpada-pada lah ye, anakku. Badan dia dah start montel balik. Daddy dukung pun tak larat. Oh jangan terbeliak biji mata, dah umur 8 tahun pun masih berdukung ye puan-puan. Maunya tak berdukung kalau dah dia tertidur depan tv kenalah angkat naik ke bilik. Putus urat kentut tukang angkat ha ha ha.

Kerabu Mangga & Epal

Tengahari tadi kekeringan idea nak masak apa for lunch.
Biasalah kalau tengah bendera merah ni nafsu makan kurang. Masalahnya saya ni kalau tak bernafsu makan, masak pun jadi tak bernafsu.
Kalau time pre-mens tu deria rasa saya over sensitif, hidung jadi seolah-olah boleh mencium berbagai bau makanan yang sedap-sedap, lepas tu liur selalu kecur je dan kombinasi ini akan mencetuskan macam-macam idea masakan. Pelik kan?

Tanya incik suami dia terasa nak makan apa tapi dijawabnya apa-apa jelah. Aiseyyy memang payah kerja tukang masak hari ni. Dia kan nak berpergian 1 minggu jadi haruslah sebelum dia pergi saya masak untuk dia. Sungguhpun hari minggu takkan nak layan makan kat luar manjang. Maka belilah ikan siakap seekor. Buat siakap kukus jelah, sup sayur yang tak dijamah semalam masih ada dalam fridge. Nak tambah apa lagi ye? Hmmm saya nampak banyak mangga muda kat kedai Acheh tu, grab 2 biji jadilah.

Tengahari itu, mangga muda yang tak berapa nak muda sebab dah kekuningan pun saya racik, gaul dengan buah epal hijau baki minggu lepas yang dihiris halus, bawang merah hiris, bunga kantan, hirisan serai dan gaul semua dengan lada tumbuk dengan udang kering. Last sekali tabur dengan kacang goreng tumbuk kasar.


Jadilah Kerabu Mangga & Epal

Saya tak pernah buat. Makan pernah sekali masa duduk rumah arwah Tok Wan (nenek saudara sebelah abah). My second cousins si Rahmah dan Hawa yang few years younger than me yang buat. Bergotong royong mereka di dapur buat sebesen besar. Maklumlah yang nak makan tu ramai. Saya balik kerja jadi tukang tengok. Dah sah-sah lah ahkak zaman tu memang tak reti masak. Apatah lagi benda yang ahkak tak gemar makan lagilah malas nak ambil pot.

Tapi sebab dah bajet hidangkan lauk ala-ala Melayu, selitkan kerabu mangga dan epal biar nampak kelainan sikit. Kejutan kecil kat hubby sebab saya tak pernah hidang benda ni kat dia. Kalau mak saya confirm suka. Owh, tak sangka incik hubby suka juga makan kerabu mangga & epal ni. Sedap kata dia sebab kacang tumbuk tu. Mission accomplished! :-)