A Glance At My Nursing Days

It has been 1 ½ mths since I stopped bf (read breastfeeding not boyfriend) yaya. Alhamdulillah it wasn’t so hard to make her stop bf. The first 3 weeks was trying. I hug her and told her that shes grown up now (2yo to be exact), she should stop bf, if she wants milk mama will make her one in a bottle not from mama’s b****. There were times when she refused to listen, I had to make up stories like mama’s b**** is sore, there’s no more milk, if she continues mama will become sick. Alhamdulillah she’s settled with the new arrangement now.

I am an advocate of bf. Nothing can ever stop me from bf my babies. no matter whatever the letdowns I had to endure contributed by bf, no matter what people say abt bf, I cant be bothered.

I’m not saying that I’m the greatest mother in the world, but to continue bf is an effort not many can succeed. I didn’t enter the marriage life unprepared. yes, there are moments where I feel uncertain when I first learnt that I’m with a baby, but that’s because I’m fully aware of the responsibilities entail. but not for so long, the moment I got over with the first-time mother syndrome, i made up my mind about a few things relates to motherhood. among other things is I want to bf my baby for as long as I can. which I succeed, with yaya for 26mths.

the first time with fahmi only lasted for 8-9mths, I became pregnant with yaya when fahmi was 6mth. to continue bf fahmi wud put unborn yaya at risk, risk of early contraction that wud lead to miscarriage. it wasnt easy to continue bf fahmi up to 9mths when we were 70km apart; he was left with my mum in s’ban (another though decision I made as I enter the motherhood world) which was intended to be for a short period until I found a good reliable nursery or baby sitter to mind him while I work but prolonged into 9mths full of agony and misery. nevertheless, I never failed to make the twice weekly trip to sban just to deliver EBM to my eagerly waiting baby. every Wednesday I wud bring bottles of frozen EBM to work, keep in the freezer at office’s pantry and right after work me & hubby wud rush back to sban.

fahmi dah terbiasa dgn schedule rabu & sabtu. every Wednesday my mum akan duduk dekat beranda depan sambil pangku fahmi, waiting for me to come home. selalunya around 6.30pm we wud have arrive. my mum kata petang2 rabu macam tu selalunya fahmi doesn’t want to be bottle fed, he wud want to wait for mama. kalau sampai hari dah gelap I fail to turn up, fahmi mulalah menggesel2 kat nenek’s bosom sambil merengek2. kesian dia. when work commitment doesn’t permit me to make the occasional mid week trip, I wud replace it with Thursdays. back then we live like nomad, always on the road, pagi isnin pergi kerja from sban, rabu petang balik sban, khamis pergi keje from sban, sabtu petang straight from office rush back to sban, macam tulah rutin me & hubby. what a hectic life, unsettled, penat, bila difikirkan semula, macam takde life pun ye jugak. apapun, I dun regret it one bit, now I can proudly tell fahmi that how much I love him, that although we were apart for 9mths I had never neglect him. when I told him how he wud sit on nenek’s lap waiting for mama to comeback untuk susukan dia, he wud smile. there were times I came across him repeating my story as if talking to himself… I am proud he is able to understand his mother’s plight.

with all the chaos that the people around me had to endure, people that are close to me, I decided to do better when yaya arrives. we hired a maid, eventhough that means all my savings are gone to pay the agents fee, visa, permit etc; moved to a bigger house to accommodate bilangan keluarga bertambah. alhamdulillah, when I get everything settled and organized I can focus on bf yaya, I can make time for fahmi & hubby. I managed to complete the 6mths exclusive bf, months thereafter yaya started solid food. I managed to put formula at bay until yaya reached 1 ½ yo. I introduced her to formula because my milk supply dropped, plus we (me&hubby) decided eloklah kalau mula kurangkan bf supaya by the time she reaches 2yo dah boleh stop bf terus. alhamdulillah, syukur sebab dapat penuhi tanggungjawab bf yaya sampai 2 tahun… I completely stop bf 2 weeks after she turned 2, which I purposely delay sebab rasa sayang nak berenggang dengan dia. I love the moments when she nestled against me, rasa peaceful, a total bliss.

I cud have never succeed without the support from my love ones. Yes, in the initial stages of parenthood there were times when we dance to different tunes. But i am thankful to my soulmate for being a supportive, understanding, considerate husband. Ada satu masa tu hubby merata-rata tempat pergi cari sparepart breast pump.
A note to hubby: there were times when I made your life miserable because I was driven by my determination to bf my babies. but you’d agree that what I put you through had made you a wonderful, fantastic, superb husband & father ;)

The key to successful bf? there are many, from the medical expert/health practitioners point of view. But personally, these are the major factors that keep me running:

~ Me, myself
~ My determination (I go by a malay proverb “hendak seribu daya…”)
~ Mental & emotional strength (preparation)
~ Support from your love ones (you can influence them, change their perception)

On a humble note, I am blessed I have no major problems to continue bf my children like very low milk supply, inverted nipples etc. Yes, I do encounter many obstacle while bf my children, who wudnt? but i managed to shove all the probs aside with the help of the people around me.