I'm So Emo

panas seh pagi ni. bila bulan april mula menjenguk i know the hottest and dry season has finally graced this particular earth i'm standing right now, which i learnt from my geography class back in school was supposed to be a country yang takde 4 season i.e. no such thing as summer, spring, autumn and fall.

but for me, malaysia do have its 4 season. this is how i define 'my' four season. april till august is the hottest with april/may/jun/july being the hottest and dryest months in a year. september to october the temperature would have started to drop a little bit. i just love it kalau bulan ramadhan falls during these 2 months and towards end of the year sebab cuaca sejuk jer takdelah cepat kering tekak or badan rasa penat.

while the monsoon season would have start by october, kat tempat aku tinggal ni hujan berselang seli mulai september tadi would have developed into a full month heavy rain by november, december and january. while winter may lasted sampai end of january/february di negeri2 4 musim, 'my winter' kat malaysia ni would also dragged sampai february but you get less rain compared to bulan 11 & 12. so, i always believe that malaysia too ada musim2 panas, luruh & sejuk.

i guess sebab cuaca terlalu panas sekarang yang aku sesekali rasa macam pening2 sikit. tau jelah kepala aku memang sensitif dengan cuaca panas. maklumlah my mom cakap i was born masa musim hujan mencurah2 sampai cuci lampin pun tak mau kering2 at that time. patutlah aku cukup suka bila hari hujan, suka 'bau' hujan, bau tanah & rumput ;-) okay enough ramblings about cuaca.

aku baru balik menyinggah 'rumah' puan sally. baru terperasan ada tag dari dia.


1.Admit one thing you feel awful about (involving being a mom). Once you have written it down, you are no longer allowed to feel bad. Remember you are a good mom!
oh man. there's one thing i know i'd always feel awful about till the rest of my life. i would never be able to forgive myself for not taken a very good care of my little yaya when she fall sick, she was only 6 months old at that time. she had high fever at that time. i tried my best to cool her down but her temperature just keep on shooting up. we had to bring her to the hospital but by the time the doctor wants to admit her, she was okay a bit. and i refused to let her be admitted. reason no.1, because we couldn't afford the bill and reason no.2, I couldn't afford to stay away from the office for too long. i hate myself for reason no.2. then the following year on the some month she got high fever again. i only took one day off to take care of her, the rest i let the bbsitter to help me. so you see, i'm not a perfect mother. i would always feel bad about this. that's why recently when a colleague at work feels bad about not turning up to work for 2 weeks because her baby son is terribly sick, i just told her don't bother kalau boss marah, just be with your baby coz he needs you more than your boss need you. i've learn from my mistakes, i regretted it and i wouldn't let anybody to repeat my mistakes.

2. List 7 things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you.
(i) just love to engage them in a conversation about anything they'd fancy. i'd let them voice out their feelings and thoughts and i'm surprise that at times diaorang bercakap macam orang dewasa, so matured. (except when they choose to play the 'child' and start throwing tanturms)

(ii) no matter what i did: kalaupun mama selalu marah kat diaorang, kalaupun mama smack diaorang, kalaupun mama masak tak sedap, they just love me. they just love me for who i am. that's the most honest and pure love i've ever known. (god! it brought tears to my eyes)

(iii) every morning before i sent fahmi to school, yaya would quickly run down the stairs just to salam and kiss him on his cheeks and forehead. everyday without fail. kalau we left before she wakes up sure petang nanti dia akan membebel kenapa tak kejutkan dia coz dia dah termiss cium & salam abang. she's so cute!

(iv) setiap hari bila aku balik kerja, sebaik saja aku park kereta depan rumah, both fahmi & yaya bertempiaran lari menyorok belakang sofa, the same spot everyday except now they found new sopt for playing hide & seek with me, under the coffee table! they did this everyday. and the best thing is that they only did it with me. man, they just made me feel so special.

(v) they simply adore me and they are very good at making me feel good. "mama ni pandailah masak", "mama ni pandailah lukis", while yaya use the word pandai, fahmi would go one step further by saying "mama ni hebatlah"... "mamalah mama terhebat sekali"

(vi) i love to pamper them. tau jelah aku kan mama yang garang. sesekali i would surprise them by bringing home kek caramel choc kegemaran diaorang, or a new pencil colour for fahmi. just love seeing their eyes shine with happiness.

(vii) yaya couldn't sleep without me and fahmi couldn't go to sleep without hubby. and i couldn't sleep without hubby & the children. yaya would be bored without fahmi around, fahmi would be bored without yaya around. when they are together they'd chat, play and fight like there's no tomorrow. but when one is away the other couldn't live.we just need each other.

3. Send this to 5 other moms of the year that deserve a reminder that they too are the best moms that they can be. Remember to send them a note letting them know you have selected them, and also add a link to your post that directs people back to the person who nominated you.

i'd like to tag nadiahkhair - the fantabulous mom, azie - mummy rajin melayan kerenah anak, ila s2m3r - hardworking & creative mom, puan nolie- mummy pandai cari duit & puan LG - the cooking wizard mom. my greatest thanks to puan sally for sharing this tag with me, for making me sit down and appreciates that i'm surrounded by a bunch of people who love and care for me i.e. my family & friends. you guys are supermommies.

and whoever created this tag, he/she is a brilliant! i'm so moved i have unshed tears brimming in my eyes. thank you.

emo nya aku hari ni.:-P to myself