The After Effects

i just got back from the appreciation dinner, i don't know why but i couldn't sleep. surprisingly coz i didn't take coffee, just some tea which i would normally skip (i don't drink tea or coffee or any or the sort) but i made an exception this time partly because i was suffering from diarrhea since morning and partly because i was hosting the dinner.

so i thought maybe i can get a quick catch up with pcm. been neglecting the forum for quite sometime, plus i wanted to peek more snapshots of the recent gathering. adalah sekeping dua pics of myself and the kids.

i felt guilty leaving my children to attend the dinner. fahmi pleaded me not to leave, his usual line "mama janganlah kerja..." selalunya i would give him the usual explanation like mama kena kerja cari duit, this time it really tugged my heart. poor my baby, he's too young to understand why his mama have to work all day long and night. he can tolerate the days but not the night, i think. moreover with daddy not around (he's on outstation and only due to comeback hours after i leave), both of them had nobody to turn to except bibik. once i reach home, i quickly wash my face, solat and cium fahmi & yaya. i didn't know who put them to bed, hubby was asleep, i'm sure he had a tiring day driving all the way back from jb.

hosting the dinner was no picnic for me. pelik kan for someone with a background in communication studies. but that's me, i don't talk much especially not with strangers (yes i still regard the guests as strangers, i've never met them before). i express myself better in writing. perhaps that's the only part of communication that i master (yelah tu!). i guess i'm not cut for this job, i don't quite like meeting people and talk about business as if there's no end to our life but work, work, and work and money. there's something that money can't buy, that's eternal love. i am a family woman, i think most librans are. i've met ramai jugak librans yang sangat family type, men or women both are alike. having said that doesn't mean that others are not (family type), i'm merely comparing myself with other librans that i've met.

i would rather stay at home with my children. but i had to put up with the occasional dinner (entertainment) with the clients/bankers etc as part of the package kerja. not to mention the once in a while thrashing from the bod. like what my colleague said the other day "they give you a car, good pay, your own office, so you have to put up with whatever thrashing that comes with it."

this is the price i have to pay ? for... for what actually? kesenangan hidup? masa depan?

fahmi,
if you ever had the chance to read mama's blog satu hari nanti (if this blog still exist until then) i want you to know that bukan fahmi aja yang ada masalah to accept this situation we're in right now, mama rasa mama sendiri pun ada masalah to accept it, and it has been 6 mths now. please bear with me, bear with me... sayang.