... Jangan Menyesal

So it was a rare full moon last night. No wonder I had this feeling that I’ve never seen a full moon so big and bright like last night. This morning I read on yahoo! it was the year’s biggest full moon actually. I spotted the full moon accidently because I took the children out last night after isyak prayer to buy some buns for their snack and to get myself some magazines. The children were amazed too. According to NASA, the moon's average distance from us is about 238,855 miles (384,400 km). Last night (Friday night) it was just 221,560 miles (356,567 km) away. It was 14 percent bigger in our sky and 30 percent brighter than some other full moons during the year. This was the second phenomenon of the year associated with moon; I missed the moon-venus-pluto phenomenon; that was very insensitive of me (coming from a person who used to be interested in astronomy) ;-P.

Ok, the introduction has got nothing to do with the rest of this entry or the title above. But I couldn’t resist jotting it down. The rest of this entry is basically ‘luahan hati’ seorang ibu. Kebelakangan ni my emotion is in a bit of turmoil. Macam2 hal… sabar jelah ye. Agak2 kalau tak larat nak layan feel free to switch to other blog.

Fahmi is back home. I fetch him from my mum’s place on Thursday morning; being a public holiday for Selangor inconjunction with Sultan of Selangor’s Birthday the office was closed. I hate going through the 2 hours (return) journey to seremban, although it is considered as one of the shortest. Tapi driving alone can be boring and tiresome. Yang aku tak suka bila boring driving alone aku akan mula speeding and ada tendency nak berlumba lebih2 lagi bila ada orang ‘cucuk’ rapat belakang aku. Mulalah cepat keluar tanduk. Kalau hubby ada kat sebelah barulah aku boleh behave. Nah, I strayed away from the topic. Back to fahmi. Ever since he got back from my mum’s place dia asyik dok merengek about wanting to go back to nenek’s house. Hubby isn’t around he left to mil’s place before fahmi got back home. Jadinya aku sorang jelah yang penat dan panas telinga mendengar rengekan fahmi. Asyik minta aku janji akan hantar dia ke rumah nenek lagi which I wouldn’t do for a long long time. I mean I won’t leave him to stay at nenek’s house again unattended by myself. Unless if all of us (me, hubby & yaya) are there. Rasa menyesal bagi dia ‘bercuti’ kat rumah nenek hari tu.

I know he is using nenek’s house as an escapism daripada our strict rules at home. Not that we are very very strict macam other parents. Tapi kat rumah kami ada the do’s and the don’ts lah which non-existence kat rumah nenek. Lagipun kat rumah nenek apa yang dia hendak semuanya dapat. Everyone is spoiling him. Atuk showers him with junk food and toys, Pak Ngah took him out almost every other day, Ucu also took him out almost every other night, and nenek made him sunny fried egg 3 times a day if he asked for it! He was running loose at nenek’s place. All these he wouldn’t/couldn’t get at home.

Malam tadi I blew up with him. Dia buat muka sedih habis merayu2 minta aku hantar dia ke rumah nenek. Mula2 aku pujuk dia, I explained to him why he cannot go and stay at nenek’s house lagi. I told him that nenek tak sihat and tak larat nak jaga dia yang tengah hyper apatah lagi nenek at the same time jaga anak adik aku. The tak sihat and tak larat bit was true enough. My mum kan ada masalah blood pressure dia inconsistence, she used to get dizziness and headache so I don’t want my children to tire her out. Fahmi doesn’t want to understand; or perhaps he doesn’t understand at all. Yelah children at his age hanya tau apa yang dia mahu je. Sampailah ke tahap dia meleleh air mata sebab sedih tak dapat pergi rumah nenek. Entah kenapa aku rasa kecil hati pulak dengan dia. Terus aku suruh dia kemas baju2 dia masukkan dalam beg and I told him I’m going to send him to the bus stop dekat rumah kami so that he can find his own way to nenek’s house. Meraung2 dia tak mau pergi. Aku pulak memang dah tahap naik minyak. I put his bag in front of the door and ask him to decide.

I know my action was rather extreme tapi kalau dah cuba reason out elok2 pun masih tak faham lagi memang aku resort to the extreme lah jawabnya. Aku bukanlah a perfect mother and I’m far from being a children expert. I know this would be something that I will regret in the future. I’m being too hard and too harsh on him. I’m not sure how this incident will influence/taint (touchwood) our relationship in the future, but I’m beginning to regret it already. Sampai bengkak2 mata dia menangis. Finally, aku pujuk dia dengan a sunny fried egg! Macam tulah jadi IBU… tak sampai hati tengok anak bengkak2 mata menangis.

Now hubby can gloat about how right he was when he warns me not to allow fahmi stay at nenek’s house tempohari. He’s going to say “abang dah cakap, jangan menyesal”.